Sasquatches have love stories too. Of course, they are shy, solitary creatures who shun even others of their own kind, so their love stories are a little odd and don't involve much actual contact.
Oh, look, it's another love song. It was suggested to me that it might be a good idea for me to write a "Bigfoot love song," and this was what came out. Whenever I sing it, I end up feeling really sorry for the poor Sasquatch.
lyrics
Sasquatch
The wood is dark and tangled;
I like how it lets me hide.
The chilly damp and fog are
Two benefits of living outside.
I'm good with the way my life has gone.
Hunt all night, feast on deer at dawn.
Spend some time pouncing on
That eminently chaseable sunbeam.
I watch the humans talking
On their cell phones all day long.
They seem to need each other;
It's curious, and I think it's wrong.
I would rather be alone and free.
That's really how it's meant to be.
Damn right! And then I see
Your footprints by the stream...
Who are you?
We're the same.
I want to
Know where you came
From and if you
Have a name;
I don't have one. That's
Always been fine.
Forget it.
My life's sweet.
Freedom and
Plenty to eat.
Who cares if
You've got feet
At least as big as mine?
I'm good at tracking, so I
Guess that I could look for you.
Perhaps our eyes will meet
Across a crowded pond, and if they do,
This wonderful connection will begin;
Inside our hearts, we'll be akin,
And so we'll dive right in
And know we'll have each other forever.
In my imagination,
All of this will work out great,
For you are clearly destined
To become my heaven-sent soulmate.
Are you male or female? I don't care.
We'll be together everywhere.
We could bring down a bear,
No one's done that ever.
Who are you?
We're the same.
I want to
Know where you came
From and if you
Have a name;
I don't have one. That's
Always been fine.
Forget it.
My life's sweet.
Freedom and
Plenty to eat.
Who cares if
You've got feet
At least as big as mine?
I guess the biggest problem
Really lies in what we are.
Our kind is solitary;
We find all that mushy stuff bizarre.
If we were a couple, I would try
To kill and eat you every day, and I
Doubt I could justify
Not driving you from my territory.
On balance, I'm suspecting
I'll do better all alone.
I haven't even got proof
That those footprints actually aren't my own.
My decision makes me swell with pride.
Better live without you by my side.
I think I'll go and hide
And tell myself our story...
Who are you?
We're the same.
I want to
Know where you came
From and if you
Have a name;
I don't have one. That's
Always been fine.
Forget it.
My life's sweet.
Freedom and
Plenty to eat.
Who cares if
You've got feet
At least as big as mine?
Who cares if
You've got feet
At least as big as mine?
Kari Maaren is a Toronto musician who plays geeky ukulele songs about monsters and superheroes. She isn't sure why, but it amuses her, so that's all right.
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