Kids These Days

I've always been fond of my calling
As a bringer of chaos and strife.
I believe what my kind does is evil
And submit that the blood is the life.
But lately, something is not working.
I sense that there's not as much fear.
My victims invite me in and then chirp, "Bite me!"
I'm not sure what's happening here.

I search for clues in my reflection,
Or would if I had one to see.
The younger vampires don't know that
Or anything else known by me.
They don't want to feed or to torture.
They're not up for learning the lore.
They beg to be bitten; they act like they're smitten,
But I have no notion what for.

Kids these days
With their sullen and baffling ways!
They've been caught in some vampire craze;
I can't praise
Kids these days.
Kids these days:
They are all about angst and regret,
As deluded as I've ever met.
I don't get
Kids these days.

The newer vampires are eager
But not for the death and the pain.
They sigh about how they are burdened,
And they go for sad walks in the rain.
I've tried to bring them to the slaughter.
They tell me it isn't much fun.
I teach them to darkle; they just want to sparkle!
They keep burning up in the sun.

Kids these days
With their sullen and baffling ways!
They've been caught in some vampire craze;
I can't praise
Kids these days.
Kids these days:
They are all about angst and regret,
As deluded as I've ever met.
I don't get
Kids these days.

I am wanting to hunt and to suck and to feed.
I'm an undying monster, and this is my creed.
They are wanting to mope and to sigh,
To look lovely and noble with tears in the eye,
And to be the teenagers forever, while I
Can't drive into their thick skulls I have made them die.
How can a vampire be a vegetarian, anyway?

I think of myself as quite savvy.
I am near a thousand years old.
I've been 'round the block's what I'm saying,
Remaining fierce and uncontrolled.
But never in all my existence
Have youngsters been such a disgrace.
They won't stop their whining; they claim that they're shining;
I want to punch them in the face.

I lurk in the graveyard at twilight.
The new moon is going...then gone.
Its light is eclipsed by the darkness.
I'll be here till the breaking of dawn.
I've finally made my decision,
And oddly, it makes me feel free.
The humans said they were in need of a slayer;
I never thought it would be me.

Kids these days
With their sullen and baffling ways!
They've been caught in some vampire craze;
I can't praise
Kids these days.
Kids these days:
They are all about angst and regret,
As deluded as I've ever met.
I don't get
Kids these days.