Follow My Brain

from Everybody Hates Elves by Kari Maaren

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This song is based loosely on "A Stark and Wormy Blight," Mike Bryant's deliberately terrible poem, which won a contest for being deliberately terrible. The song was one of the prizes. "Follow My Brain" also belongs to my small series of songs about an imaginative, misunderstood child who finds unusual ways to cope with school and bullying and whatnot. "When the Starcats Come" belongs to this series as well.


Follow My Brain

So English class is getting boring.
It’s full of stupid stuff that I don’t know.
And half the other kids are snoring
As we’re exploring
Some poem by Edgar Allan Poe.
I wish that we could read The Hunger Games.
I think I need an ugly hat.
I don’t know why I can’t
Remember people’s names.
And I’m not sure
Why the raven quoth that.

They say I’m hyperactive;
They treat me as a pain.
They don’t get that all I do
Is follow my brain.

So Mrs. Black is has one green earring,
And it is shaped like lots of little trees.
I spend a lot of class time fearing
Her way of sneering
Because she always gives me Ds.
I wonder if there is a poet tree,
A tree with poets as its fruit.
It’s getting really hot,
And I have got to pee.
I think I’ve got
Something gross on my boot.

They say I’m kind of spazzy;
It fills them with disdain.
They can’t see that all I do
Is follow my brain.

And there is something rapping,
There’s something gently tapping,
But none of it is trapping
My attention, and I
Am looking for a haven
From the grim and ghastly craven
Poem about the raven.
I would like a piece of pie.
A grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous piece of pie.

She said she’d finished; what a lie. Day-
Light makes a burning patch on half my neck.
At least I know that it is Friday.
Tomorrow’s my day!
There will be no more of this dreck.
My teacher’s probably a demon queen.
My pencil isn’t very good.
I want to write a song
About a submarine,
And I would do it
Now if I could.

They say I’m bad at learning
Again and then again.
They don’t understand I just
Follow my brain.

It is a stark and wormy morning.
I would have given lots of chocolate for
Some kind of poem-related warning.
Now I’m adorning
All of my books with “nevermore.”
My teacher’s giving me a grumpy look.
She doesn’t like it when I squirm.
I want to think about
Stuff that’s not in this book,
But Mrs. Black
Is incredibly firm.

I’ll fake attentiveness, though
It really is a strain.
But on the inside I will still
Follow my brain.
Follow my brain.
Follow my—



from Everybody Hates Elves, released April 8, 2015
Written and performed by Kari Maaren, based loosely on a poem by Mike Bryant.


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Kari Maaren Toronto, Ontario

Kari Maaren is a Toronto musician who plays geeky ukulele songs about monsters and superheroes. She isn't sure why, but it amuses her, so that's all right.

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