Fake Geek Guy

Since I was eight years old,
I’ve wanted to be Batgirl.
I make grappling hooks and batarangs,
And the other girls and I all strive
To foil the Joker’s plot to kill
The whole Bat-family, as told
In Gail Simone’s dark chronicle
Of Batgirl’s valiant struggle to survive.

I notice that your Batman
Costume’s mixing eras.
And your colour scheme is off, and you’re
Too pudgy, and you’re not so tall.
I doubt you even know that Batman’s
Gloves were purple in their first
Appearance in the thirties. You
Should not be dressed as Batman at all.

Hey, dude,
What’s going on?
Why are you even
At this con?
You can’t be one
Of us; get gone.
Your costume is a lie.
Hey, look,
I’ve confessed:
This conversation was a test.
You failed like
All the rest.
Go home;
You’re just a fake geek guy.

I miss the old days when
I could come to conventions
And could talk about the things I loved
With other people just like me.
Oh, sure, there would be one or two
Of you; you didn’t bother us
Because you knew your place and stayed
Off on the margins. That’s how it should be.

But now it’s cool to be a geek,
And suddenly you’ve noticed,
And you hang around because you think
That makes you cool and geeky too.
You say you love the fandoms, but
We know you are just posturing.
These properties are ours; you won’t
Admit that they were never meant for you.

Hey, dude,
What’s going on?
Why are you even
At this con?
You can’t be one
Of us; get gone.
Your costume is a lie.
Hey, look,
I’ve confessed:
This conversation was a test.
You failed like
All the rest.
Go home;
You’re just a fake geek guy.

Your costume is too sexy.
Why is it so sexy? You should hide
Your muscles and your package ‘cause
We know that you’re just taunting us.
Do you really think you’re sexy?
You’ve got rolls of fat on your backside.
Cover up and move on through.
We don’t want to look at you.

I know you think you’ve
Broken through into our clubhouse,
But you’ll never really understand
What makes a proper geek a geek.
“Geek guy” is just a secondary
Category, and we don’t
Appreciate your strange belief
That you should have an equal right to speak.

Go make me a sandwich; let
The other girls and me catch up.
Your package is distracting, though
It’s kind of nice to know it’s there.
We don’t want your opinions; you
Should probably just watch some sports.
Sure, tweet about it; that’s so cute,
But to be honest, no one here will care.

Hey, dude,
What’s going on?
Why are you even
At this con?
You can’t be one
Of us; get gone.
Your costume is a lie.
Hey, look,
I’ve confessed:
This conversation was a test.
You failed like
All the rest.
Go home;
You’re just a fake geek guy.

Hey, dude,
What’s going on?
Why are you even
At this con?
You can’t be one
Of us; get gone.
Your costume is a lie.
Hey, look,
I’ve confessed:
This conversation was a test.
You failed like
All the rest.
Go home;
You’re just a fake geek guy.
You’re just a fake geek guy.
You’re just a fake geek guy.